Friendship blossoms in spring………..

Befriending is one of the ways in which S.P.R.I.N.G. can offer support to bereaved parents. S.P.R.I.N.G. can put you in touch with parents who have suffered a baby bereavement in similar circumstances – talking to someone who knows exactly what you have experienced/are experiencing can really help.

Kim Bones, former Chairman of S.P.R.I.N.G, and Rosie Lambert, former website manager for S.P.R.I.N.G. talk about how their friendship started and even led to Kim being god-parent for Rosie’s son Adam.

Kim’s story…

After trying for a baby and having had no luck for three years I was booked in for an 11 week scan – just to prove that I was! My Mum came with me as my husband was working away at the time but I had no reason to be worried or anxious, as far as I was concerned, it was just a routine scan. Unfortunately, the nucal fold was far larger than it should have been and following subsequent tests showed that our baby had Downs Syndrome. But worst of all only part of our baby’s heart had formed. I was told that if our baby survived the pregnancy, he would not survive once born. We had a very difficult decision to make for Harry, our families and ourselves. At 19 weeks our son, Harry, died and we live with our decision to terminate our pregnancy always dreaming of what could have been.

I was put in touch with Heather Matthews for counselling and during these sessions she told me about her idea of getting a group together to support bereaved parents like myself and would I be interested in this. I thought this was a good idea. S.P.R.I.N.G. was formed, and I truly believe that if it hadn’t been for my involvement in this organisation and all the friends I made I would never have had the courage to have another baby. Two years on our second son, Charlie was born fit and well. I was very involved within S.P.R.I.N.G. and then became Chairperson, and regularly attended the monthly Open Meetings. From this, Heather explained that she felt that Rosie would benefit from talking to another bereaved parent, and although our circumstances were different, we had still both experienced baby bereavement. Rosie had very kindly offered to supply some cakes for one of our many fundraising events, and so over collecting cakes we struck up conversation and we seemed to get-on straight away, I gave Rosie my phone number and told her to call me if she needed to talk. She did, and we did! (and boy can they!!!! – Editor’s note) We got together often, not necessarily always talking about Harry and Dominic. We had a lot in common especially as Charlie and Ryan (Rosie’s first son) were the same age. Sometimes, I would meet with Rosie and know that she wanted to talk about Dominic, other times I could just sense that she didn’t want to. Our friendship had reached the stage where I could gauge her and how she was feeling. When she announced that she was pregnant again, I was really excited for her, but also really nervous – this would be a long, hard road for both of us! Luckily, as I had also gone on to have another baby, I could be there for her during the pregnancy, knowing how scared and anxious she would be.

I was overjoyed when Adam was born, and really honoured when Rosie asked me to be his godmother. For me, my journey had come full circle, Harry had touched our lives for a reason, I had gained new friends and a godson!

Rosie’s story…

My second pregnancy was under way and I was feeling very sick – I had had this with my first, and thought that it was just being pregnant and nothing to worry about. The sickness I was experiencing then went to the extreme and I couldn’t even keep a sip of water down. I got very weak, lost a lot of weight and was in and out of hospital several times. I was told I had a condition called Hyperemisis Gravidarum, but had no reason to believe that there would be any serious risk to my baby. I saw a midwife at 17 weeks and she couldn’t hear the baby’s heartbeat, so she sent me for a scan to make sure that the baby was ok because I had been so ill. 

I remember as Mick, my husband, and I went into the scan room talking non-stop about when would we get our photo’s etc, but the look on the sonographer’s face whilst she was doing the scan and her voice telling me “I’m sorry your baby is dead” stopped me in my tracks. I looked at Mick in disbelief and then felt as if I was in the corner of the room looking down – it was so surreal. I asked what happened next and was told that I would have to deliver naturally. We returned to the hospital the next morning and were told a bit more about what to expect, but it all seemed unreal. We were shown around the S.P.R.I.N.G. Suite, which luckily for us had just been completed as it meant we had our own space when Dominic was born.

I’m not very good at sharing my thoughts and emotions and thought that I could deal with everything on my own, but I wanted some answers, so I called the counselling service, from a leaflet I was given in the hospital and arranged to see Heather. My counselling sessions started and, although talking to Heather helped a lot, I needed to talk to someone who knew exactly how I felt. Heather suggested I went to an open meeting organised by S.P.R.I.N.G, for bereaved parents to meet, which is where I first met Kim. From there I was introduced to all the goings-on of S.P.R.I.N.G. and soon became very involved in fundraising events and also, taking on the website upkeep. After meeting Kim again over cakes! We started getting together on a regular basis, which was an immense help – she knew exactly how to draw my feelings out of me. It helped that we seemed to have a lot in common and from the moment we met we talked easily. When I found out I was pregnant again, I turned to Kim, as she had experienced a subsequent pregnancy. After the longest nine months ever (and not as much sickness) I delivered a baby boy, Adam. Kim had been there every step of the way throughout my pregnancy – it only seemed natural that we asked her to be godmother for Adam.

Rosie, Adam & Kim