Samuel's Story

"The Value of a life does not depend on its length, but on the value that
God gives it."

This sentence sums up how we feel about our son Samuel's life.
Andrew and I would like to share our experiences in the hope that they
may help you cope with yours.

We are blessed with two beautiful daughters Naomi and Hannah who are both
miracle babies themselves as both pregnancies were fraught with their own
anxieties and problems. I suffer from essential hypertension (high blood
pressure to the layman!) and so pregnancy was never going to be a smooth
uncomplicated ride.

My second pregnancy ended at 14 weeks in miscarriage and this is the story
of my third pregnancy, which ended in the stillbirth of our son Samuel.
I was closely monitored and in and out of hospital for the duration of the pregnancy
and I was allowed to go full term for a natural birth. On my due date I
had an antenatal appointment and it was discovered during the course of the scan
that Samuel had died sometime late the night before or that morning.

I was told to go away and come back two days later to be induced for a natural birth
which would aid the grieving process. Two days later I went through the only
natural labour (apart from my miscarriage) that I was to experience as both my girls
were born by emergency caesarean. Samuel was born 61/2 lbs and appeared
perfect. The subsequent autopsy report concurred with this and we were left to dwell
on the fact that there had been no obvious reason for his death. I will not dwell
on the actual events of Samuels death, as it would be so easy to apportion blame and dwell
on the negative.

All of you who have lost babies and are reading this will know how much desire
there can be to blame someone along with your own guilt of what if etc. Andrew and
I would rather focus on the positive aspects of what Samuels short life brought about.

As strong committed Christians, it was our faith in God along with our strong relationship
with each other that brought us through a desert experience. We experienced the same
emotional struggles and black holes as anyone else but were focused on the future
and the light at the end of the tunnel all the way through. Samuel did not die in vain
nor did he die without recognition. His memory lives on in many people, most of whom
never knew him or even saw him.

In our endeavour to ensure that something good came out of something not so good,
Andrew and I became part of S.P.R.I.N.G. from the outset. We wanted to share our
experiences with others who were going through or had gone through similar experiences
but mainly we want to emphasize the need to look to the future and to try and remain
focused on the positive. This sounds so easy, it's not it takes a lot of hard work and openness,
forgiveness and renewing of the mind. We are here to tell you that you can do it and you
are not alone in your efforts . Against all the advice of the doctors and after the longest
35 weeks of our lives we stood believing a positive outcome and were blessed with Hannah,
our fourth baby. Hannah was not a replacement for Samuel; she is one of his sisters.
Happiness and emotional healing can follow what may now appear to be a black pit
without a way out.